tamhonkhoe.comStoicism 4 – Week 3: The people who work with us
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This week: at work it is easy to see others through their job titles: "accounts", "the warehouse", "the boss", "the new hire". This week reads Seneca’s Letter 47 from a different angle than Stoicism 1: not only respecting those who serve us, but seeing the person behind the work of everyone we work with. If you work at home, "the people who work with us" are the people in your household, a domestic helper, or the friend sharing a task with you.
Measurable goal: each day, one action that treats someone you work with as a person (asking their opinion, asking how they are, a specific thank-you, inviting them into a discussion), on at least 5 of 7 days.
1. Traditional teaching
[Traditional teaching] Stoicism teaches that rank and job are arranged by fortune, while character is the part each person makes for themselves. In Letter 47, Seneca writes to Lucilius about how to treat the slaves in his household.
I propose to value them according to their character, and not according to their duties. Each man acquires his character for himself, but accident assigns his duties.
You need not, my dear Lucilius, hunt for friends only in the forum or in the Senate-house; if you are careful and attentive, you will find them at home also.
You should therefore not be deterred by these finicky persons from showing yourself to your slaves as an affable person and not proudly superior to them; they ought to respect you rather than fear you.
Reading it in context
- Ancient Rome was a slave-holding society. Seneca was a slave owner. He criticises cruel treatment of slaves but does not call for slavery to end. The course does not defend or soften that system.
- In the same letter, Seneca still praises Lucilius for punishing his slaves only with words rather than the whip. The course does not follow that; today no one has the right to hit or humiliate the people they work with, whatever their position.
- [Inference] Workers today have contracts and rights; they are not slaves. What the course borrows from Seneca is only this: a job title is something "accident assigns", while the person behind it deserves to be seen.
- Stoicism 1, Week 5 uses another part of Letter 47 for "respecting those who serve you". This week turns to the people we work with every day: colleagues, people we manage, people who manage us, people at home.
- "They ought to respect you rather than fear you" is especially for those who manage others: this week, try once to ask the opinion of someone in a lower position than yours.
2. What science finds
- [Verified] A meta-analysis of 27 experimental studies with 4,045 people: doing kind things for others raised the well-being of those who did them by a small-to-moderate amount. The studies are often small, with low average statistical power. (Curry et al. 2018)
- [Inference] That study did not measure this week’s exercise. What matters more is that the people we work with are treated as people, not that the practitioner feels happier.
3. Practice for adults
About 3 minutes to read, a few minutes for each action, 2 minutes in the evening.
- Read (first time, 3 minutes). Read the three passages and the context slowly.
- Make a list (5 minutes, once). Write the names of 5–7 people you work with regularly. Next to each, write one thing you know about them besides their work. If you can’t write anything, that is a hint for this week.
- One action each day. Choose one: ask the opinion of someone who is rarely asked; thank someone specifically ("because you reorganised the table, I found the figures faster"); ask about something outside work if they want to share; invite a newcomer to lunch or into a discussion.
- Don’t turn it into a technique. Ask in order to know, not to win favour or to "manage" people. Respect those who don’t want to talk about their private lives.
- One line (2 minutes, evening). Whom did I see today? What did I learn about them?
4. Kids' corner 6+
Game: "Little reporter" (5–10 minutes, with an adult)
- The child chooses someone at home (a grandparent, a parent, an aunt or uncle) to "interview".
- Prepare three questions together: "What is your work?", "What do you find hard?", "What did you like to play when you were little?"
- The child asks; the adult helps write down the answers, or the child draws them.
- Ask the child: "What did you learn about that person that you didn’t know before?"
Don’t discuss slavery with children.
5. Stop practising if
- You feel panic, have traumatic flashbacks, a lasting sense that you or the world are "not real", many sleepless nights, or thoughts of harming yourself.
- You are being harassed, bullied or treated unfairly at work. This exercise does not ask you to be friendly to someone who is harming you. Keep a safe distance and get help (HR, a trade union, a friend you trust).
- In that case stop practising and see Get help now.
6. Foundation skills on daynentang
daynentang has a lesson with small things you can do straight away: Tử tế nơi làm việc (Kindness at work; in Vietnamese).
7. Practice for today
Write the name of one person you work with and one question you will ask them today that is not about work.
Science sources
- Curry OS, Rowland LA, Van Lissa CJ, Zlotowitz S, McAlaney J, Whitehouse H (2018). Happy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing acts of kindness on the well-being of the actor. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 76, 320–329. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2018.02.014
Scripture sources
- Moral Letters to Lucilius (Epistulae morales) – Richard M. Gummere (Loeb, 1917–1925) (Public domain) · link