tamhonkhoe.comConvergence 1 – Week 7: Loving-kindness
Published after review by the project owner. No reviewer from within a tradition has checked this page yet.
This week: read three short passages slowly, spend 10 minutes a day sending silent good wishes to yourself and to others, and notice how your heart changes.
Measurable goal: 10 minutes of good-wishes practice on at least 5 of 7 days.
1. Traditional teaching
Convergence 0 practised six daily habits. Convergence 1 turns to inner attitudes: opening up to other people, to what we cannot control, and to silence. The first week is loving-kindness: wishing others well without first requiring them to deserve it. The three traditions below all speak of this, but in three very different ways.
Buddhism: a boundless heart of love
[Traditional teaching] The Mettā Sutta is found in the Suttanipāta and is often chanted in Theravada Buddhist countries. This tradition teaches that loving-kindness (mettā) is a quality that can be trained, directed to all beings without exception, as a mother protects her only child.
May they be happy and safe! May all beings be happy! Whatever living creatures there are with not a one left out— frail or firm, long or large, medium, small, tiny or round, seen or unseen, living far or near, those who have been born and those about to be born— may all beings be happy!
Let none deceive another, nor look down on anyone anywhere. Though provoked or aggrieved, let them not wish pain on each other. Even as a mother would protect with her life her child, her only child, so too for all creatures unfold a boundless heart.
With love for the whole world, unfold a boundless heart: above, below, all round, unconstricted, without enmity or foe.
A note on context: the discourse opens with the qualities of someone seeking "the state of peace" (upright, easy to speak to, gentle, humble, content) and closes with the path of insight towards liberation. [Inference] So in this tradition loving-kindness is not just a pleasant feeling; it is part of a path of practice leading to liberation.
Taoism: gentleness, the first treasure
[Traditional teaching] In chapter 67 of the Tao Te Ching, Laozi speaks of "three precious things" that a follower of the Tao holds fast. James Legge translates the first as "gentleness".
But I have three precious things which I prize and hold fast. The first is gentleness; the second is economy; and the third is shrinking from taking precedence of others.
With that gentleness I can be bold; with that economy I can be liberal; shrinking from taking precedence of others, I can become a vessel of the highest honour. Now-a-days they give up gentleness and are all for being bold; economy, and are all for being liberal; the hindmost place, and seek only to be foremost;--(of all which the end is) death.
Gentleness is sure to be victorious even in battle, and firmly to maintain its ground. Heaven will save its possessor, by his (very) gentleness protecting him.
A note on context: [Expert judgement] the Chinese character here is 慈 (ci), often used for the love of parents for a child. This lesson follows Legge's "gentleness" rather than the Buddhist term "compassion", to keep the two ideas apart. In the Tao Te Ching, this is a way of living and of governing, not a meditation technique.
Non-dual traditions (Bhagavad Gita): hating no living thing
[Traditional teaching] Chapter 12 of the Bhagavad Gita is about the path of devotion (bhakti). Krishna, revered in this tradition as an incarnation of God, describes the person He loves: one who hates no living thing, is kind and compassionate.
Who hateth nought Of all which lives, living himself benign, Compassionate, from arrogance exempt, Exempt from love of self, unchangeable By good or ill; patient, contented, firm In faith, mastering himself, true to his word, Seeking Me, heart and soul; vowed unto Me,-- That man I love!
A note on context: Edwin Arnold translated the Gita as verse and did not number the verses; the lines above correspond to verses 13–14 of chapter 12. [Inference] Here kindness towards all beings is a mark of the devotee of God, bound up with being "vowed unto Me". A reviewer from this tradition will say how it is commonly read.
Where the traditions differ
[Expert judgement] All three value kindness that does not pick and choose. But they differ on these points:
| Buddhism (Snp 1.8) | Taoism (Tao Te Ching 67) | Non-dual (Gita 12:13–14) | |
|---|---|---|---|
| What it is | A quality of mind trained on purpose, whether standing, walking, sitting or lying down | A soft, non-contending way of life, alongside frugality and humility | A mark of the devotee of God |
| Directed to whom | All beings, with none left out | People, and the governing of a state | All beings, in relation to God |
| Set within which belief | A path of insight towards liberation; no creator God needed | The Tao, the natural working of all things | Devotion to a personal God |
This week's exercise borrows the Buddhist way of practising: repeating good wishes in silence. You do not need to accept the beliefs of any tradition to do it, and the week should not be read as saying the three traditions are "really the same".
2. What science finds
- [Verified] A 2024 meta-analysis of 21 trials of loving-kindness and compassion meditation among employees found less burnout (g = 0.40; 10 trials) and stress (g = 0.54; 10 trials), and more self-compassion (g = 0.65; 12 trials), compared with control groups. Results varied with job type and how the practice was done. (Wang et al. 2024)
- [Verified] A review of 83 studies of adverse effects of meditation in general found that about 8% of meditators had an adverse experience (about 4% in experimental studies), most often anxiety and depression; this can happen in people with no previous mental health problems. (Farias et al. 2020)
- [Inference] These studies measured programmes lasting several weeks, often with a teacher. One week of 10 minutes a day on your own is much lighter, so do not expect the same results.
Limits: the figures are averages across many different studies and do not predict what will happen for any one person. This exercise does not replace treatment if you have a mental health problem.
3. Practice for adults
About 10 minutes a day.
- Read slowly (2 minutes). Choose one of the three passages. Read it slowly twice, the second time quietly aloud.
- Sit still (1 minute). As in Week 1: know the breath going in and out.
- Send good wishes (6 minutes). Repeat silently and slowly, in time with the breath: "May ___ be at peace. May ___ be healthy. May ___ live with ease." Change the person in this order: - yourself (1–2 minutes); - someone you find easy to like, such as a friend, a child or a pet; - someone you see but do not know, such as a shop assistant or a driver; - all people, all beings.
- Note it (1 minute). One line: "Today, to whom was it easy to send good wishes, and to whom was it hard?"
Note: [Expert judgement] this week does not yet include anyone who has hurt you; that is for Week 8, and you may skip it there too. If wishing yourself well feels forced or uncomfortable, start with the easy person first. You do not need to feel warm; simply repeating the wishes is enough.
4. Kids' corner 6+
Game: "Sending good wishes" (5–10 minutes, with an adult playing too)
- Adult and child sit side by side, each with a small piece of paper.
- The child chooses three people or things to wish well: grandparents, a classmate, the cat, the tree in the yard.
- For each, the child says or draws one wish: "I hope Grandma is well", "I hope the cat has enough to eat".
- The adult asks: "When you wished someone well, how did it feel inside?"
Do not make the child wish well to someone they are angry with. If the child gets bored, stop the game.
daynentang also has a lesson, Kind to myself (in Vietnamese), for families with children aged 2–8.
5. Stop practising if
- You feel panic, have flashbacks of trauma, have a lasting sense that you or the world are "not real", lose sleep for several nights, or have thoughts of harming yourself.
- Wishing yourself well brings a rush of sadness or self-blame that does not ease after a few minutes.
- If so, stop and see Get help now.
- If you have a history of psychosis, bipolar disorder or severe PTSD, ask a doctor before increasing sitting time beyond 20 minutes.
6. Foundation skills on daynentang
daynentang has a lesson, Kết nối, người mình có thể nhờ (connection, people I can ask), on staying connected with the people around you and knowing whom you can ask for help. It is currently in Vietnamese only; your browser's translate option can help.
7. Practice for today
Next time you are standing in a queue or sitting on a bus, choose a stranger and silently wish: "May this person be at peace today."
Scientific sources
- Wang R, Gu X, Zhang Y, Luo K, Zeng X (2024). Loving-kindness and compassion meditations in the workplace: A meta-analysis and future prospects. Stress and Health, 40(1), e3273. doi:10.1002/smi.3273
- Farias M, Maraldi E, Wallenkampf KC, Lucchetti G (2020). Adverse events in meditation practices and meditation-based therapies: a systematic review. Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, 142(5), 374–393. doi:10.1111/acps.13225